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Errors of the English Language
here is where i shall tear apart everyday sayings, and make you realise that in fact, they make no sense whatsoever. we all know the double meanings of english language can be highly confusing. but what about those things you say ever so casually? ever stopped to think what they really meant? dont worry kid. i'll help you.
brief history : as we know. english derives from latin. bibles are written in latin. latin is italianish no? cause of the catholics? hmm i dunno. never really seen a link between ireland and italy myself. ok im just confusing you now. double usage of words. this was explained brilliantly in an email i read today, but im too lazy to show u the examples. lets just use the word "bear" as an example. shall i patronise you? heh! might aswell. bear - a fluffy animal, or some emotion ("i cannot bear it"). but thats not the point of this page.....read on dear fellow......
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saying 1: "isn't it!"
imagine you are sitting in a park. imagine some old doddery woman comes and sits next to you and gives you strange little looks of apprehensivness mixed with a desire to connect with the 'youth' (in her eyes you are youth, no matter how old) of today, seeing as she no longer has regular contact with her kids and grandchildren. she wants to be "where its at" and relenquish her youth, so to say. so anyway. you are sitting there doing something...i dunno what you are doing, something respectable i hope...trying to ignore her but smiling in a polite way. she rearranges her skirt and ... oh no... she's gonna start a conversation, or at least try.
granne: "i see the ducks are rather hungry today"
you: "yesh"
granne: "lovely weather today"
you: "isnt it" NOW LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE!!!! what on earth dya think you are saying?! "isnt it!" this is not an agreement. in fact you have just disagreed with her statement. i'll show you how.
isn't it = is not it
is (day) NOT it (lovely)
so in our example. day NOT lovely. dya see now? dya see how you are disgareeing although you are meant to be doing the opposite? you can argue with me all you like. but i've heard people do this. so screw you on a bag of stew! (beddage saying as originated from alipon) |
once again jonny realises that max DOES have the magical knowledge of english grammar thanks to his special dinasour toy. |
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saying 2: "i wouldnt touch that with a bargepole"
well what would you touch it with then hmmmm??? if you ARE NOT going to touch it with a bargepole, you can touch it with anything else at all. a finger, a toungue, an intenstual tube, a duck flavoured toilet brush. anything is possible my friend, anything. which kinda takes away the purpose of the saying. |
if this child never wore a headscarf or a bandana, his brain cells would not be squeezed. and he would be able to comprehend the amazingness and stupidity of his mother tongue. it seems destined however that anyone who wears such appendages on their head are to be thick, unfashionable, stoopid people. |
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saying 3: "like nobodies buisness"
another long explanation im afraid. maybe even longer. dunno *shrugs*
i shall give you the situation in which this sparkle of realisation hit me like a comet. it was a weekday nite, it was dinner time. the new cutlery purchased that day had been brought out. and sausages (non meat ones for me) and mash were on the table and ready to be dissolved into our bodily matters. very rare occasion for me to have a meal cooked for me AND be sitting with the famile. so here goes. i go and spoil it all with my warped mind. dadde : "wow this new knifes are cutting brillant"
me : "yesh. they are sent direct from heaven, true brillance on a plate, quite literally"
dadde: "enough of your constant sarcasm"
me : "chill your boots"
dadde: "this knife is cutting thru the sausage like nobodies buisness!"
me : "what exactly do you mean?"
dadde: "i said that the knife was cutting like nobodies buisness"
me: "well. who is nobody and why is it his buisness to cut your sausage?"
dadde: "errrrrrr"
mumme: "belinda stop picking on your father and being difficult"
me: "no im just saying. why is it nobodies buisness to cut your sausage? surely its nobodies buisness to be nobody. his profession in life is being a nobody"
dadde: "you are making no sense"
mumme: "shut up belinda"
me: "look. listen. its not nobodies buisness to cut your sausage. so thats not the right thing to say. if you want to say that its doing the buisness of anyone, then say 'this knife is cutting like the buisness of a very good and fast sausage cutting knife' and not that of nobodies. nobody has nothing to do with it"
mumme : "belinda would you just please shut up and try and be nice for once!!" quite. anyway. i think i made myself clear. i wasnt shouting or anything, i never even raised my voice. cant see how i was being nasty. anyways. thats it. |
this could be you, riding on the knowledge that never again will you mishap with normal everyday conversation and seem like an utter fool, tripping over the saddle and falling flat on the floor. breaking a few bones on the way. proverbially speaking. |
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